Finding Strength

Once again it is the middle of the night and I'm awake with my thoughts racing. Tonight's subject is how I've been living. I realized that I am living how people expect me to live prior to my mom's death a year ago. I am not that same woman as I was when I was taking care of her and yet I still live as if I am.

But where do I get the strength to live as this new me? I will readily admit that I am not a strong person yet. I say yet as I'm working on that but when I feel so small inside, how do I live my life how I want to and not up to the assumptions of others? For so many years, even through the decisions that were made after my mother's death, I was treated like a child and never like an adult. It still happens with my brother. I'll be 40 in a few months yet I'm treated like I'm 30 years younger.

It's so ingrained in me that I treat myself that way too and it's been bad lately. But as I've said, where can I find the strength within me to change?

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