Mulligans

When my summer started back in June, I set out on a couple goals. One of those was to write a little short story and be done with it. That little short story ended up being a novel. I’m not mad about that; it’s just not what I thought would happen but I’m grateful for Sunset Park. It’s the little story that could and did and will hopefully one day be in print. I’ve focused on that story for nearly two months and as a teacher, I was able to spend entire days working on it. I’m up to draft six and decided it was time to step away from it. I was writing in a vacuum which is never a good thing. I found an online forum to post it in for feedback and am enjoying the constructive criticism coming in and look forward to taking that criticism and improving Sunset Park. It’s my baby and I will not settle until I have the opportunity to get it published. Quit your nay saying, please. I KNOW it may never be published but I feel very strongly about the story and will try as hard as I can to have it published whether that’s now or in three decades.

As I worked on Sunset Park I was already thinking about my next piece. This time, I didn’t decide ahead of time if it was going to be a short story, novel, or the next War and Peace. I had the basic plot in my head and as happens often, my subconscious goes to town on an idea while I sleep and when I woke up this morning at 5am, I had the story in my mind. I was also pleased to realize that it would be a short story. Writing Sunset Park was exhausting on many days and I really just wanted something nice and tidy. “Caveat” is it.

Is it my bestest writing ever? Nope. Is it the final draft? Doubt it. It does reflect something that’s been eating at me for a while. I’ve written on my blog about some of the challenges I’ve faced the last three years and during those three years (and even in the years leading up), I have often declared my desire for a mulligan. In addition to this summer being about my writing, it was also supposed to be about me and making myself feel better. Still working on that, there are no quick fixes, but I have realized one thing – there are no do over when it comes to life! I know, you’re all like “Well, duh!” but when the difficulties add up, it’s something that is wished for.

I realized yesterday that all those difficulties in life have created who I am. Actually, let me clarify that, it was those difficulties that helped ME create who I am. I wouldn’t be ME without them. Some days I’m not happy with the ME I’ve created but if I had different experiences, there’s no guarantee that my ME would have been any better. Capisce? The challenge is not wishing for the impossible – the mulligan – but learning to live with the ME I’ve created. If I’m unhappy, I’M the one that needs to take a different path. There are no fairy godmothers.

Yes, I had leukemia and I haven’t hit my five years as a survivor yet. Do I wish I never had cancer? Absolutely, I’m not stupid. But it happened, it was genetic. So even if I did receive a mulligan, it would have happened anyway. And besides, because of my cancer, I’ve re-established a friendship with a very dear friend. That probably wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for the C word.

I’ve decided to post “Caveat” on my blog. Don’t be afraid to give me constructive criticism. It’s one of the few ways to hone my writing skills. Thank you and have a SPIFFY DAY!!!