Joey,
I know you don't know me from a hill of beans but I feel like I should apologize to you. I have been one to tweet you to let go of what happened between you and Daughtry. I've been hypocritical since my first tweet.
Letting go is not easy; I know this from experience as I work through some heavy issues from my childhood. The issues with my mom I feel I can eventually let go of but when it comes to my father and what he did, I just don't know. I do believe I have every right to not let go with this situation but I wish I could just deal with it better.
When I suggested you just let go of what happened with the band last year, I wasn't considering the deeper effects it might have on you. I have been a fan of Chris's since AI; the love he and Deanna showed is something I've never felt and I yearn to be in a relationship with a man who can show me that level of respect and love and I, in turn, can reciprocate those feelings. Plus, he can sing. I knew he was destined for something big and was glad he didn't win so he could do the music he wanted to do.
My life became busy after that with health problems with my mom and then my own battle with leukemia. It wasn't until last May, as I was setting up my own new life after the passing of my mother, that I came back to Chris and Daughtry. It was after your dismissal so I had no emotional attachment to you leaving. But the music really helped me and I often listen to it as I write. I also use it to try and calm my panic attacks that have been increasing in frequency and severity. Because of how the music has helped me, I get a little defensive. Thus, my tweeting you to just let go and my apology for telling you so.
I don't know you and it was a little forward of me to tweet a flippant 'let go of it' to you. It would be the same as if you told me to let go of what I went through as a child. Neither one of us knows or understands each other so it's not fair to give the other unsolicited advice. We do have every right to the pain and frustration our issues give us; the hard part though is learning to deal with the 'side effects' of those issues. If it was easy for me to deal with them, I wouldn't need a therapist and medication.
I do want you to be happy, Joey, and when I saw your recent tweets to BC, Steely, and CD, I have hope that you're taking those few steps to move on past what happened. I don't know if with my situation I can ever do that; a terrible problem I've had lately is that I feel like I am being punished for what happened to me as a child. It's not right and I feel too often like I'm that scared and vulnerable child. I am miserable and I would not wish these feelings on even my worst enemies.
If you can resolve yourself, you are more successful than I will ever be. You deserve it; you seem like a nice and energetic guy. Maybe a little too angry when it comes to religion but we live in America and differences are a way of life. As long as we respect others, we're doing good. (And before you throw the bs flag at me, I am not Christian and have chosen the Jewish faith.)
You don't need to accept my apology but I needed to apologize to you because me telling you to let things go wasn't sitting right with me.
I will offer up this piece of advice even though I'm a hill of beans to you - let these feelings and emotions drive your creativity. I have been surprised by how doing this has driven my own writing. My creative writing professor in college always told me to write what I know. My life isn't the greatest so I switched to writing with the emotion I know and it's been quite the experience. As with all advice, you can take it or leave it.
Thanks for listening,
Dana
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