It Ain't All Rainbows and Unicorns Out There

Usually, it's Joey the Basement Cat who provides my early morning wake up calls but today it was Bootsie - the good cat - who took an interest in my eyebrows at 6am. She then proceeded to cuddle and knead and give me kitty kisses and then spend several minutes washing my arm and hand. I think if she had been allowed to have a litter of kittens, she would have made a good mama. While Bootsie cuddled and treated me like her kitten, Joey was zonked out on a pile of dirty clothes (weirdo) ready for the wash. He's still sound asleep and snoring. It's cute (but don't tell him that or it'll go straight to his head). Bootsie is cuddled next to me - purring - as I write this. It's moments like this I feel bad for people who are allergic to cats. They provide such moments of serenity sometimes. 

Anyway, as Bootsie was giving it her all at being the early (way too early) cuddle queen, I was planning my writing day in my head. As happens often while I sleep, my mind must have been churning the story because once I was awake enough, my mind started piecing together the next few scenes. I'm working on the sequel to Sunset Park called May Flowers. Several months ago I wrote the complete synopsis for it along with a rough first chapter (it's been up on my website but it'll be coming down today). When I tried to continue writing the story, it just didn't seem right and I shelved it. I knew there was another story to tell about the two main characters - Ben and Laurie - but just wasn't sure how to get that story told.

(Joey's awake now and on the bed and trying to start WWIII with Bootsie. It's sort of ruining the moment but I'm pushing on and playing Switzerland.)

A couple weeks ago, the solution hit me and I've been trying to get the new story going. My writing has been hit and miss due to some of my issues and some upsetting experiences lately. Yesterday, however, things went well and I hope today is the same. I'm about 1/4 through the story and as I cuddle with Bootsie, I laid out the next few scenes in my head to get me to 1/2 way. It's exciting to have that in my head.

(So now I'm typing one handed because someone thinks he needs to be held like a baby.)

As I story planned, however, I realized that once again, I was writing a story where there was ugliness and pain. If you've read Sunset Park, you know what I mean. In my Deceptions trilogy, the pain and ugliness is on a whole different level but that story is much darker than the stories set in Sunset Park. I put a lot of myself in my stories, some (Joey, you can't chase my fingers as I type!) experiences, some emotions, and, of course, some hopes.

If you've been reading my blog or know me, you know the issues I struggle with are very intense right now and I know that influences my writing. I do want to write a story one day that is happy and light but I don't think that can happen until I have defeated my gray days. I'm okay with the tone of my stories for right now; I'm creating stories that work with where I am. Plus, it's great that there are happy stories out there but in reality, we all have some pain and ugliness. Maybe not as much as what's ending up in my writing but I think writing (fiction, blogging, even songwriting) should reflect true human emotions and experiences. Writing needs to be honest. It's not all rainbows and unicorns out there in the world. 

I think a good writer understands life's difficulties and uses that, in a way, to validate those who are struggling. At least that's what I think. I've had Daughtry's new single "Waiting for Superman" on repeat since Tuesday and there are so many phrases that just really hit me in a good way, in a way that validates my own struggles. Someone understands and that makes my fight worth it even though I have many moments where I have my doubts. Even as I write this, I wonder if all the therapy and stupid pills with awful side effects are worth continuing. But continue on I do even if I don't know if it's worth it; if I have any chance of making it out of the gray.

And so in May Flowers, both Ben and Laurie continue on as they fight through their own gray.

Dana