Ancestral Whispers

I’ve never blogged about my conversion to Judaism. Not because I didn’t want to; I just never had the thought to but after what I did yesterday, I thought I would share my story. It’s nothing truly Earth shattering; it’s just how I fell in love with such a beautiful religion.

             
I was a big reader when I was in elementary school (and still am). It’s interesting how books have shaped my life. I’m a reader; I’m a published author (who hopes to one day support herself through her writing); and I teach reading to high school kids who struggle with reading. It was through a book that I began my Jewish journey.

             
Through either the public library or my elementary school library (I don’t remember which), I checked out All-of-a-Kind family by Sydney Taylor. I was about ten or eleven years old and by the time I finished the series (there are five books in the series), I had been introduced to the Jewish religion beyond knowing that Jesus was Jewish. The stories are about a Jewish family in New York City around the 1900’s and there are still scenes from the books that I remember after all these years. After reading the books, I was intrigued about this faith that I knew nothing of.

             
A couple years later, a miniseries was shown on TV – The Winds of War. This was my introduction to World War II and Hitler’s plan for the Jewish people of Europe (although this is focused more in the sequel miniseries War and Remembrance in 1988). My interest in Judaism grew more and I began checking books out of the public library to learn more about the religion. In seventh grade, I met my first Jewish person (my friend Randee). In eight grade, I began Lutheran confirmation classes.

             
Confirmation was a struggle for me. I was just not ‘getting it’ at all. My family was Lutheran through my mom’s family but there was just something about the religion that I just wasn’t feeling (although I think I figured out why this year but more on that later). Anyway, I managed to make it through confirmation despite getting a terrible case of the giggles as I was kneeling up at the altar in my white robe. Honestly, I should have known at that moment that things were just not going to work out between me and Lutheranism.

             
Anywho, I became friends with Randee, read up more on Judaism and started to learn about the Holocaust and watched War and Remembrance. When I hit college, I took the Introduction to Judaism class and even remember writing a letter to Randee (this was pre-internet and email) saying that I wanted to convert. As I thought about what I wanted to do after college, I decided I wanted to be a nanny. This would allow me to work with kids and also give me time to write. When I completed my paperwork with the nanny agency, I requested to work with a Jewish family because I wanted that experience of living within this religion I had fallen in love with.

             
I was placed with a Conservation Jewish family in Voorhees, New Jersey who were intrigued by me and my interest in their religion. I worked for them for a year. I kept kosher, experienced my first Passover seders, went to shul on Purim and during the High Holidays and was able to experience Hanukkah before it was time for me to leave. The family taught me about their religion and I was sad when I left.

             
Over the next few years, I never forgot about my love for Judaism while I tried to figure myself out. I wasn’t a church-goer other than when my niece was baptized (I’m her g-dmother) and going to see my niece and nephew in their Christmas programs. My mom was religious but worked nights so she couldn’t go to church but her pastor would come over to the house sometimes. I began working on a short story called The Letter which was my first foray into combining my two loves – writing and Judaism. 

When I was in the hospital with leukemia, my mom's pastor would come see me but it was… awkward for me. Anyway, after Mom passed, it was Randee who suggested I visit with the only Rabbi we have in SUX and after talking with him and explaining my story, we agreed I would begin the conversion process. On 16 Tevet 5773 (that’s December 28, 2012 on the normal calendar), I became official. I was able to choose a Hebrew name and knew I wanted to name myself after my grandma (Elsie). The closest I could come to was Elisheva. 

When I submersed myself in the mikvah that afternoon (to complete the process), it ended a thirty year journey for me but also started a new one. Judaism for me makes sense. It’s a warm religion. I get it. I still have issues with G­-d but it’s okay to question him in Judaism. From that moment as a little kid, I just felt something inside of me about the religion that grew over the years. I don’t know what that feeling is but I’ve wondered if maybe at some point, someone in my ancestral line may have been Jewish. It may just be my soul hoping that's the case. I do not have any of the classic Jewish looks (which doesn’t mean anything); all I have is this feeling. As far as knowing anything about my ancestry, I know lots about my grandma’s side and a little of my grandpa’s side but I know nothing about my father’s family. 

One day a few weeks ago, I was doing some research on the Holocaust for a lesson I was teaching and I ended up on Yad Vashem’s website. On the site is a database of Holocaust victims that you can search and out of curiosity, I started to put in some of my family’s surnames. Well, Schroeder is like Smith so there were many, many returns with that name so I went with my own last name not expecting to find anything. What came up were returns for variations of Mansfield (mainly Mansfeld) but on the last page, there it was – Mansfield. 

Israel, Ribeka, Hinda, Gitel and Anna Mansfield from Lodz, Poland perished at the Treblinka extermination camp (may all their memories be for a blessing). Do I think I’m related to them through my dad’s side? I have no idea but there was just such an emotion that hit me when I saw this and looked at the documents available. I knew I had to follow through on something I’d been thinking of doing for a few years. 

It was a few years ago that during some internet search I came across a company that did DNA testing for Jewish ancestry. It was pricey and knew it would be some time before I could afford that. I mentioned this to Frank (Randee’s dad) a few months ago and he asked if it was the company 23 and me. I didn’t think it was the name so I looked up that company and they offered the DNA testing at a much cheaper (but still spendy) price. I had vowed at that time I would someday invest in the DNA kit to see what my DNA revealed. The test can’t say whether or not I’m Jewish but it can say if my DNA comes from an area of the world that is predominantly Jewish (or not). 

After seeing those search results on Yad Vashem, I decided with my next paycheck I would order the kit and decided it would be my birthday present (no pun intended) to myself. Yesterday, the spit kit came so I spit and sent the kit right back. It’ll take 4-6 weeks before my results come in and I’m prepared for them to say that my DNA doesn’t come from a predominantly Jewish area. But, I need to know. There’s other information the kit can tell me (like how much of me is Neanderthal) and such but for me, it’s about knowing if there’s any Jewish roots in my ancestral line. Even if the results come back saying ‘no way,’ (it's not a perfect test, either) I’m still Jewish. I went through the conversion process but it would just be nice to know if this feeling I’ve had for over 30 years is the whisper of a past Jewish relative.

 

Dana

 

My Spit