6 Years

Thursday will be my 6 year anniversary date of my leukemia diagnosis. It seems like such a long time ago considering everything that has happened in those years since 1/23/08.

- went through a ton of chemo while taking care of my ailing mother

- going back to teaching while still taking chemo

- my mother dying

- moving out on my own for the first time

- receiving my clinical depression diagnosis and trying to survive that

- finding joy in writing

- surviving a suicide attempt

- losing any relationship with my remaining family

- spine surgery

- becoming Jewish

- foot surgery

- and having my dream of becoming a published novelist come true

- meeting a good friend through Daughtry

There's some good but many bad. It's no wonder I'm tired all the time. I've dealt with most of that list by myself with no one to hold my hand and tell me things are going to be okay. 

A close colleague gave me one of those wooden angels with wire wings for a holiday gift. It was the one that represented courage but I don't see that in myself. 

The depression masks the true feelings and it almost seems alien to me when people tell me how much courage and strength I have.

Personally, I see the last six years as being the doormat of the universe and wonder what struggle is lurking 'round the next corner. I am the epitome of poor choices and bad luck.

I hope there's nothing. After all, I'm just so tired anymore.

Dana