It Is What It Is

It's not been a good start to summer for me. My depression is heavy & I'm too tired to fight all that is wrong with me. Maybe I just need to accept myself and where I am. 

The harder I try to fix my faults, the worse they become. Maybe I'm never going to be anything other than a morbidly obese depressed person who has lost friends and family and can't get more than ten people to buy her books or get a heartfelt thank you acknowledged.

I don't think I'm meant to be happy. I know I've referenced this before and I just can't stop believing it. I feel like I'm paying some sort of unending price to be here on Earth. It's not fair. It wasn't my choice to be born.

I've tried to fix myself to no avail. Therapy just leaves me more depressed and I have no idea if the meds are helping. I don't have any bright spots in my life. The one thing I did have - Daughtry - just isn't cutting it anymore do to various reasons.

I just want to be validated and acknowledged which never happens proactively. Not being much of a thought to anyone is rather upsetting. Imagine days and days and days going by and not interacting with anyone. Imagine falling and breaking my neck but no one finding me for a month because everyone's busy with their own lives and don't have the time to check up on me. Heaven forbid my brother even text to see how I'm doing.

I'm tired of words I've written - books, DMs, notes, texts - being ignored. Is that how little I'm thought of? Do I just accept that now and move on with this crappy gray life?

This is how bitter old bitties are made but that's not who I am but people don't see me for who I am. I think my troubles have just pushed everyone away. That's so unfair as I didn't ask for any if this.