I feel I am at such a crossroads right now and it’s sending
me into a panic. I’ve shared with you all before that I’m morbidly obese. I
have Type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol. I take twelve
different medications between my obesity and my depression and anxiety. I’m
beginning to physically not be able to do things and am having difficulty doing
something as simple as walk from my car to my classroom. I think I cry more now
because of my fat than from my depression (which may be a win for my
depression). I’m sobbing as I write this now.
Since having my gallbladder out in October, I’ve gained 50
pounds. I have read that gaining after the procedure does happen but I don’t
think it’s supposed to be that much. I know how to eat healthy and I try but
then I just get overwhelmed and the bad habits rear. I desperately need to get
a handle on my eating because I’m so afraid now that I’m just moments away from
a heart attack or a stroke or some other bad side effect from my obesity. The
worry causes me to panic which is not what I need. I don’t want to be a burden
to my family should something happen.
I’m so ashamed at this latest weight gain because my fat is
finally catching up to me. What is it going to take for me to reverse this? I
have more books in me waiting to be published. I want to see my niece and
nephew do great things but I’m afraid I won’t be around for any of that. Why
can’t I just do something as simple as eat right? I’ve battled cancer and my
depression but eating healthy just seems to be so beyond what I can do. I feel
so weak.
What is it going to take? I’m so embarrassed to share this
with you all but I felt like writing might help.
I know some of you may be just thinking ‘eat less, move more’
but moving is not easy right now and I’m at such a loss as far as eating less.
It seems so simple but it’s really not. If you’ve never had a weight problem,
it’s probably hard for you to understand.
I don’t know if I’m afraid of losing weight because I’ve
never been thing and don’t know what it feels like. Am I afraid of that? I don’t
even want to be thin, just less of me. I know what to do but why can’t I do it?
Dana
Maybe you should take something to increase the metabolism e.g. Vit D.
ReplyDeleteIt is just what I was looking for and quite thorough as well. Thanks for posting this, I saw a couple other similar posts but yours was the best so far. The ideas are strongly pointed out and clearly emphasized. essay writers
ReplyDeleteHello,
ReplyDeleteI see it has been a while since you last posted, and I hope you are still with us. I am sorry that the worst case scenario for your gallbladder surgery was much worse than anticipated. It is always discouraging to want to deal with any other problem when you're tired of fighting and you realize the struggle just became much harder and you don't think you can deal with it any more.
For a moment, dream with me. Outside of your depression and struggle with weight gain, how would you encourage your niece and nephew to be great? Would you tell them to be kind, or to pursue a college education? Would you want them to be like you in your interests, or would you tell them to not make the same choices you did? While you are still here, be the person you wish you had when you were younger.
With all change, it takes time, energy, and the realization that there will be days when the change does not happen. That's ok. Really. There will be times of great progress, and sometimes where you're sliding down the hill you've taken months to conquer. It sucks. I wish it didn't happen. But, since it's inevitable, remember to be gentle with yourself as you're working through your goals. In whatever you do, positive social support and community help to achieve any goal, not just weight loss or encouragement letters. As you're working through your goals, a) write them down, b) find supportive people when you want to beat yourself up at your latest failure and c) remember that your inherent worth is not comprised of your level of health, your BMI, the number on the scale, or your unfinished projects.
I hope you overcome your adversities, and that your soul will not be discouraged through this process.