My Patronus

My Daughtry high is over; it collapsed Wednesday and I am treading once again in the grayness. I'm sure there are people out there who just want to tell me to snap out of it (as they have done before). I wish it were so easy. I can't speak for other people who have depression but I have no desire for this gray. I see no good to it; there are no fringe benefits. I don't want to continue feeling this way but it latches on to me and won't let go. I want it to go away and it did for three days.

I had forgotten what it was like to live without the heaviness. The concert and experiences around it lifted me, let me feel, actually let me care about myself for those three days. But then Wednesday came and the gray came back along with my ordinary life. I fell hard and everything I struggle with is back and more intense. My self-loathing is actually worse.

I wish I could have bottled up that happiness I had for three days to use when I'm down. I'm disappointed in myself for letting myself fall; I should have been more careful.

I will continue to tread as I have before with Daughtry's music and Twitter and getting lost in my writing. My next concert is not for over six months but it's on the very distant horizon. At least that will help.

On the weight loss note, I've recovered from the indiscretions of the last few weeks and am down 36 pounds thanks to big salads for dinner and my cheesy scrambled eggs for breakfasts this week. I need to not swing back upwards because I was totally ashamed of my VIP picture.

I am so grateful for the Daughtry music and the people (the band members but especially my Twitter friends) to help me through this. I can't imagine going through this without something to help. I guess you could say Daughtry's my patronus. Harry Potter's took the form of a stag; mine is in the form of a bald singer who can belt out the tunes.

Dana