Muted Excitement

Another opportunity has come for my Deceptions trilogy. A publisher actually came to me about my first novel but since that's off limits due to a contract, I asked if they would be interested in my trilogy. After consideration, they said they were and I should receive my contract on Monday.

It is exciting but I'm keeping my excitement muted. I thought once Deceptions might be on the track to being published but I have no idea what happened with my publisher. I also hoped the literary agent would work out but it's been 9 months and even though I did as requested and checked in with them in January, there's been nothing but silence there.

My writing is my everything; it's one of two things that keeps me from succumbing to my depression. When those two opportunities dried up, it really drove me deeper into my depression.

This new publisher is much different than my first one. It's not 100% what I want but it's better than the nothing I had ended up with. I need something positive in my life and writing and so I'm trying this publisher that came after me.

Some of you may be saying I should wait until the perfect opportunity came along but that might never come. Like I said, I need the positivity. The grayness is getting worse and I need something to lift my spirits. I'd hope it would be the 'thing' (see a previous post about that) but I've given up on that which really is driving me down. 

I've given up on my first publisher and the literary agent. I've given up on my family and ever having someone special to hold my hand and tell me everything is going to be okay. I've given up part of my independence and frankly, I'm tired of being on this giving up ride. I'm afraid one day I'll just look around and decide it's the day to totally give up. That is scary.

And so I'm taking this leap of faith with this publishing company in the hopes of hopping off this giving up train.

Dana